You Are A...Wayne Rooney

Far be it for me to kick a man when he's down in the Europa League.

Poor Wayne Rooney, what a misunderstood figure. Today he’s set to appeal his sending off against Montenegro in order to have a shot at featuring for England at Euro 2012.

The authorities really should show some lenience and reduce the usual 3 match ban for violent conduct. I mean it’s not like he’s done anything like that before. Afterall, it’s not his petulance but his ‘passion’ and his evil winking club teammate that cost England in the World Cup.

First of all, he’s so respectful to referees. Sure, sometimes his temper gets the best of him, but don’t worry he’s learned.  Just look at how he graciously gave the ball to Phil Dowd after calmly disagreeing with the referee’s decision. Then he did a little corner flag maintenance on the way off the pitch as a courtesy to the grounds crew. What a lovely chap.

Off the pitch, he admits he committed a few follies of youth. But that’s all changed. He’s a faithful and caring husband to his pregnant wife. And he’s so loyal to his club, he always has a nice word for the cameras. Always.

And he’s so sporting that, when after a loose touch cost him possession, he commended his opponent’s persistence with a gentle nudge just to say ‘well done.’ Well I’m not that sporting. So I say Wayne, you are a cunt.


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