Aaron Ramsey [I Want Candy]

[Bow-Wow-Wow “I Want Candy”]

I know a guy with magic feet

[clap-clap-clap-clap clap-clap]

The number sixteen can’t be beat

[clap-clap-clap-clap clap-clap]

He’s got everything that we desire

[clap-clap-clap-clap clap-clap]

He sets the football pitch on fire

[clap-clap-clap-clap clap-clap]

Aaron Ramsey!

[clap-clap-clap-clap clap-clap]

Aaron Ramsey!

[clap-clap-clap-clap clap-clap]

Aaron Ramsey!

[clap-clap-clap-clap clap-clap]

Aaron Ramsey!

[clap-clap-clap-clap clap-clap]

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O Tottenham

'Tis also the season to mock thy neighbor. So I present [pun intended] this little offering to the tune of O Tannenbaum/O Christmas Tree:

O Tottenham O Tottenham

You’ll never be our equal

O Tottenham O Tottenham

You’ll never be our equal

Your wheels are always coming off

Say Mind the Gap, and Gooners scoff

O Tottenham O Tottenham

You’ll never be our equal

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There Is Just One Santi Ca-zorla

'Tis the season for low hanging fruit. A ridiculous chant for Santi Cazorla to the tune of "I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus."

There is just one Santi Ca-zorla

And he wears the Arsenal red and white

His first touch is so sweet

There's not a man that he can't beat

He'll pass you off the pitch with either of those magic feet

Oh there is just one Santi Ca-zorla

And he wears the Arsenal red and whiiiiiiiiiite

Well his first touch is a dream

It's the best we've ever seen

There is just one Santi Ca-zor-laaaaaa

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The First Özil

'Tis the season and all so settle in for some Christmas inspired ridiculousness. First up is our man Mesut. His arrival signaled a sea change in our transfer policy and confirmed that dry powder does indeed explode spectacularly. 

The first Özil

That the Arsenal did see

Was the perfect control of a ball down the wing

From the wing he played, with just the right weight

A pass to Giroud served up on a plate

 Özil Özil Özil Özil

Born is the king of Ashburton Grove

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Yellow

Even though, as @LittleDutchVA recently pointed out, yellow kits aren't the traditional away strip many believe them to be, there is just something about that color combination that gets us all excited. Worth a ridiculous chant no? 

Look at the stars

Look how they shine for you

They're Arsenal through and through

And they were all yelloooowww

Arteta's hair

Poldolski, Jack, Giroud

Cazorla plays it through

Finished off by Theoooooo

We came along

We wrote a song for you

know what goes good with blue?

Well it was all yelloooowww

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The Corporal Will Tear You Apart

It is a well-known fact that Carl Jenkinson comes from a family of Gooners and as such he has perhaps taken on a bit of a cult status with the Arsenal support. Alan Davies just might have a hand in that by dubbing him The Corporal. Earlier this season the Arseblogger unknowingly set up a hilarious scenario for the pre-Olymiakos press conference with this tweet. I remembered how last season we endured that spell without a first choice full-back on either flank, and of course that inspired a ridiculous chant. I hasn't caught on yet for some stupid reason.

[Total Eclipse of the Heart/Bonnie Tyler]

Once upon a time we didn't have a right back

Now we don't know which one to start

If Sagna isn't fit

The Corporal will tear you apart

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We Won A Golden Trophy

These days you just about cannot turn around without someone reminding you how long it has been since Arsenal last lifted silver. Just recently as I took in a match down at the Factory with the NY Gooners, we had the misfortune of having to stand next to a bunch of Chavs watching their match. But it was the one against Southampton, so we had the good fortune of watching them lose that match. Early doors, TJ made a joke about Torres’ face-mask, then started be-bopping and skatting all over it. One of the Chavs took umbrage and asked how many trophies we had.

Historically the Arsenal sit third in terms of league titles at 13, since you asked. And the last one, as long ago as it may seem to some narrow minded twits, is made of gold. There’s only one such trophy in the history of the Premier League, and it’s ours by virtue of competing for an entire season without losing a single match. That we did so against the likes of commercial behemoth United and oil-daddy funded Chelsea, makes that gold shine just that much brighter. That we did it just a year after Wenger was lampooned for claiming we could do it, even more so. Deserves a chant no? The color and winning the league in May ties in nicely with “She Wore A Yellow Ribbon.” 

We won,

We won,

We won a golden trophy

We won a golden trophy in the merry month of May

And when

 They asked

 Why was the trophy golden

We said it’s for the Arsenal ‘cos we never lost a game

Not a game,
Not a game,

We won a golden trophy ‘cos we never lost a game

Not a game,
Not a game,

We won a golden trophy ‘cos we never lost a game

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We Love You Freddie

In honor of Freddie's return to Twitter I'm posting this classic. It should be said, there's nothing ridiculous at all about this one. This is Gooner gospel.  Continuing on the theme of boozy, throatily sung la-la's from the last Ridiculous Chant, this one mixes up the order to make perhaps the best intro of any player song. 

There's nothing like the build up of the da-da's and hitting maximum volume on the first "We love you Freddie." NY Gooners added another verse when his billboard popped up in Times Square. To quote the man himself, it's fucking excellent.

Daaa-da, daaa-da, daaa-da da-da da

Daaa-da, daaa-da, daaa-da da-da da

Daaa-da, daaa-da, daaa-da da-da da

Daaa-da, daaa-da

We love you Freddie

Because you've got red hair

We love you Freddie

Because you're everywhere

We love you Freddie

Because you're Arsenal through and through

We love you Freddie

Because you're in Times Square

We love you Freddie

even your underwear

We love you Freddie

Because you're Arsenal through and through

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The Famous Red And White

This one came up on a loungy, lazy Sunday, probably after a decent Arsenal performance the day before. I love the throwback sound, the French-German connections [sound like a certain manager we know?], and the fact that it quite easily incorporates the boozy la-la la-la la la repeat, as in "You Are My Arsenal." 

[Milord/Edith Piaf]

We are the Arsenal

The famous red and white

We hate the Tottenham

and we're football [f***ing] dynamite

The cannon's on the crest

We're ready for the fight

We are the Arsenal

The famous red and white

la la la la-la-la

la la-la la la la

la la la la-la la-la

la-la la-la la

la la la la-la-la

We are the Arsenal

The famous red and white

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There Was Something In The Air That Night

This one's a riff on the Tuesday Club's number with a few more lyrics added in. Decent match on the weekend for Yao. Hope it continues. 

There was something in the air that night,

The Spurs are shite, Gervinho

His forehead was shining extra bright,

his braids were tight, Gervinho

And we thought he'd miss the open goal,

somehow instead,

Heeee just lashed the ball in-to the net,

who would have guessed,

Gervinho

Heeee just lashed the ball in-to the net,

who would have guessed,

Gervinho

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Look How He Plays A One-Two

Down at the Factory we've aired a few Cazorla chants [I have a couple corking Christmas ones that may show up at a later date] but haven't settled on one just yet. The Seven Nation Army one doesn't seem to have legs with our grumpy bunch, but we've done the Tuesday Club Chim Chim Cher-ee one with mixed success.

Recently, fellow NY Gooner John said he thought this tune would make a catchy Cazorla chant [probably after screening Cinderella with his kids], since his name fits so nicely in the meter of the first line. He set me the task of coming up with something but I didn't know the tune. Once I heard it the words happened almost instantly. You've got to talk about his two-footedness of course, and I copped the last line from the Tuesday Club. Fair warning, it can get stuck in your head. On the plus side of that, it's easy to sing over and over to the annoyance of any rivals nearby.

[Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo/Perry Como/Cinderella]

tune suggested by a fellow NY Gooner

What a footballer
Santi Cazorla

Look how he plays a one-two

He can do magic with each of his feet

He is much better than you

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Just Knock The Ball Up To Giroud

Not too long ago, @7amkickoff tweeted that someone should come up with a Giroud chant to this tune. Diseased as I am, I couldn't resist. I tweeted it back to him in two parts and several folks retweeted and commented back, so I started giving it the gas down at the Factory.

Surprisingly TJ, who normally hates my stuff, rather enjoyed it. I've been toying with this Ridiculous Chants column idea for a while, so I figured I'd better launch it while the stars are aligned. Almost as soon as I posted it Jack chimed in with the line substituting Frenchman for future from the end of the song, and next thing you know I had another verse. Jack's dream is to get the hmmm hmmm hmmm's going down at the pub. Maybe this weekend. [edit: changed it to ooooh ooooh ooooh. Can't get much volume with the hmmm's]

[I Melt With You/Modern English]
special mention to @7amkickoff for suggesting the tune for a Giroud chant

The Frenchman's open wide, he’s in acres of space
Runs like an ostrich, but he’s got a chiseled face
When he attacks, defenders crash around the place
Never really knowing he was always....fucking ace

Just knock the ball up to Giroud
He started slowly
but he's getting better all the time.
He's more handsome
than me and you,
Just knock the ball up to Giroud.

[The Frenchman's  open,  wide]

ooooh ooooh ooooh. 

ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooh.

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Give And Go Jack

I've been toying with this Ridiculous Chants column for a while, so when Jack Wilshere recently re-emerged on twitter during a particularly lully interlull, I figured I'd pull the trigger. I have a Jumping Jack Flash one as well, but this one's a little more fun, especially since Ed is particularly fond of busting out the "WHAT YOU SAY????!!!" line that keeps the chant going.

[Hit The Road Jack/Ray Charles]

Oh look at Jack Wilshere he’s quick and he’s mean

He’s the best midfielder, that we’ve ever seen.

There’s one thing that we know,

When he gets the ball the Arsenal go [that's right]

Give and go Jack

When the ball comes back

We’ll score, we’ll score, we’ll score, we’ll score

Give and go Jack

And when it comes back we’ll score [WHAT YOU SAY????!!!]

Give and go Jack

When the ball comes back

We’ll score, we’ll score, we’ll score, we’ll score

Give and go Jack

And when it comes back we’ll score

And when it comes back we’ll score

And when it comes back we’ll score

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