We All Took The Red Pill, Now We're Dodging Bullets

from the factory floor

BARCLAYS PREMIER LEAGUE

Ashburton Grove

Referee:  Anthony Taylor

Arsenal 3-3 Norwich City         5 May 2012
Benayoun [2]           Hoolahan [12]
Van Persie [72,80]   Holt [27]

                                     Morison [85]

Now I know that in the twittersphere and other places of cyber-angst the build-up to this last home match revealed some proper jangling nerves, and on evidence of the ground atmosphere at the Grove and the flat performance on the pitch, that anxiety was very much alive in the physical Gooner plane,  if not just a little worse. When I arrived at the Factory after another lovely unannounced subway diversion it was 2-1 Norwich, prompting me to quote Rashida from earlier in the week as my greeting to Steven, Ed, and the Captain, already seated at the lower level bar: What in the actual fuck?

Apparently Benayoun scored a pearl of a goal from the dressing room and we felt the job was done. That early score belied our recent trend of coming out in the last handful of games flatter than an old white man’s ass. As if to make up for that, in the following fifteen minutes we conspired to gift the visitors two goals and with it the deficit that we apparently need to stir us from our perennial late season torpor. The Captain explained that while we deserved to be behind, the goals still had that special jammy quality that only the Arsenal concede. As to make up for that unique talent, we seem to do it with alarming regularity. This whole improvement of the hospitality at the stadium on match days is going just a bit too far.

It turns out Szczesny let in a howler for the first, and Gibbs backed off his man when he and Koscielny were stranded at the back on one of Vermaelen’s forward forays. Kieron couldn’t make up his mind what to do so just back-pedaled until it was time for Holt to shoot, then stuck a leg in and the ball did that loopy thing off his foot, leaving Szczesny in no-man’s land and nestling neatly into our net.

For all the praise Ramsey typically gets for not hiding, he really didn’t appear to fancy this game. He dropped deeper and deeper and I don’t recall too much from him going forward or linking up in the middle of the park. He was by no means the sole culprit but this aspect of performance stood out. In his defense, it’s probably the only time I could really say this about him. Aaron for me was very good early this season but hit the wall in December and hasn't been able to make it back. He could use a rest this summer that the Olympics just may not afford him. 

When the break arrived I could make out some booing and remembered that we had the same thing last year. We were subjected to mock hand-wringing by ESPN’s Steve McNanaman and Samir Nasri’s grandmother Ian Darke over our goal capitulations. Thankfully Jack Keane distracted us with the projected improvements to the Factory, which include knocking out booths on one side and replacing them with another array of flat-screens, extending the bar to the wall on the other side, and adding another set of taps which will include an exclusive IPA handle in Ted’s likeness. [That’s Ed to you and me, Jack amusingly enjoys the sole privilege of calling him Ted].

We came out in the second half with a renewed sense of purpose, as Vermaelen tried to set the tone with a robust midfield tackle and saw yellow in the process. The booking prompted a typical moment of recall in which I quote some obscure moment from a different match, with a different opponent, a different official, and with probably only a vague resemblance to what has just transpired.

In this case Tommy got the ball first, hammered it miles away from the opponent and in the follow through of his tackle [which was from behind], cleaned out the player. The incident I remembered was a Stephen Ireland tackle on Chamberlain that was from behind, didn’t alter the path of the ball whatsoever, and took the Ox down in the penalty area and resulted in nothing.

Steven practiced great restraint and indulged me this habit, and correctly indicated that Taylor was having a shocker on both sides of the ball. There were no-calls on penalties for each team which, while preventing us going 3-1 down in the first half, also meant that we concluded an entire season of home matches without a single spot kick in our favor.

Among the notable improvements in our performance, Gervinho looked especially good and was getting some very meaningful touches in dangerous areas. In the first half he passed up shooting opportunities in favor of, erm, passing, much to TJ’s chagrin. I wondered out loud why he’d want Gervinho to shoot on this season’s evidence, but I agreed that too many of our players in the opening 45 were reluctant to take responsibility and have a pop. Not so in this half. We created chance after chance but couldn’t get the breakthrough.

Ramsey was withdrawn for Chamberlain, who had a decent half hour. Chamakh came on for Benayoun, which seemed odd because Yossi looked lively throughout, yet Mr. Hookah was involved in the scrambles that got our goals. First he had a shot deflected that ended up at Song’s feet. In a rare display [not really] of passing nous, he chipped the ball over the top [for the gazillionth time] to Van Persie who slapped a side-footed volley into the far corner with his left peg.

It was remarkable on the replay to see RVP appealing for a foul in the initial scramble with a raised arm and still ghosting back onside and into a precious pocket of space in the crowded area to make himself available for the pass. It wouldn’t be long again before he got his second and our third, with a poacher’s finish slammed in via Ruddy’s hand after a shot deflected into his path.

We don’t deserve it! [clap clap clap-clap clap]

TJ wouldn’t celebrate the winner: one because we didn’t deserve it, and two because it wasn’t the winner. After a chest bump with Michael, I recognized TJ’s point by observing there were still ten minutes left for us to bottle this. It only took five. We’re efficient like that.

Not for the first time Song delighted and frustrated in the same match with his relentless pursuit of the clever pass, and it was such a failed attempt that turned the ball over when our shape was woeful. This prompted an over-eager Vermaelen to challenge too high up the pitch [also too common], fail, and see the ball go in behind to Morison to fire home. Szczesny, while exposed by the poor defending in front of him, did himself no favors with his own positioning and conceded way too much of a target at the far post.

Still we could have had that penalty even if Gervinho looked offside in the build-up, with a blatant shove in the back to our captain when he was about to tap home into an empty net. Any potential outrage was tempered by the truth of the matter. A point was all that our display merited on the balance of 90 minutes, and that is what we got.

The result was shameful for many reasons, not least for taking the gloss off of two very well-taken goals by Yossi and Robin. On another day, Van Persie might have had four, but a combination of last-ditch tackling, solid goalkeeping and nervy shooting meant he would settle for a brace. It would be churlish in the extreme to bemoan those misses, given his influence on our season and the unbelievable consistency he has shown not only in staying injury free, but in delivering goals week after week with no striking support. Everyone knows his threat and yet he stills finds those little openings with amazing reliability.

Again, you have to go back to the notion that we say we are learning lessons and know just how false that view is. Earlier this season against this same opponent we peppered Ruddy with shots and it took two finishes from RVP to get the result. We had the same again on Saturday, and have seen this type of game over and over this season. It was all the more frustrating given it was our last home match, and especially so in light of just how fantastic the atmosphere at the Grove has been since the North London derby. Even if the palpable tension in the crowd might have contributed to the nervy opening, the home support deserved better.

Still, results on Sunday bailed us out quite remarkably. Although I expected City to get the job done against Newcastle and keep them at bay, I just couldn’t see Spurs out-spursing us against Villa. Yet they did and we live on in hope. The way things have gone with this run-in, even though Champions League football is within our grasp, it seems like it’s out of our hands. This weekend we dodged more bullets than Neo. Let’s hope next week, we won’t have to.


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