Monday, April 9, 2012

Them Little Feets Was Going Like This


from the factory floor
Ashburton Grove
Referee:  Martin Atkinson
Arsenal 1-0 Manchester City    8 April 2012
Arteta [87]

For this crucial fixture, before heading to the Factory I tried to soothe the PMT* with some eggs, biscuits and delicious bacon, and took in some of the United-QPR match. Not to be outdone by the poor officiating in the Chelsea-Wigan match, Lee Mason and his crew offered up an encore with another crucially incorrect offside, compounded by the shameful dive [that still today no one will call a dive ‘cos he’s English, innit?] of Ashley Young.

I’m not saying United couldn’t handle QPR at home without the advantage, but that doesn’t make it any more tolerable that they were once again benefactors of generous officiating at Old Trafford. That makes 8 penalties for them at home this season in the league, 8 more than the Arsenal have enjoyed. I tweeted before our match that I hoped the home cooking would continue at the Grove. If you’re thinking that’s foreshadowing, you’re right. Sort of.

It would only take 15 minutes to realize that hope of home-cooking was wasted. Kompany barreled through the back of Van Persie for as clear a penalty as you could get, and we only got a corner kick out of it.** If the hand on Young’s back was a sending off then Kompany should receive a season-long ban for the amount of contact he made in comparison. From the ensuing corner, RVP pinged a header off the crossbar via an unwitting Vermaelen.


As if that weren’t bad enough, Atkinson missed a blatant sending off when Balotelli took a shot long after the flag was raised and whistle blown for offside. The Italian was clearly worked up for this match, probably out of self-loathing for getting his cigarettes from the same place as Rooney, and it was a short matter of time before he really should have been sent off for a horrific knee-high, studs first ‘tackle’ on Song. It wasn’t a red card so much as a jail sentence. Then after a near miss from a corner Stupid Mario took an almighty kick against the goal post and was generally looking unhinged. He went on to rough up Sagna for the opening 45 and would commit two more studs-first ‘tackles’ on the Arsenal right-back, earning a yellow for the second one.

At this point I reminded the NY Gooners in attendance [TJ, Tin Lid, and Ed at this stage, Carissa would join after the break] that Balotelli is several sandwiches short of a picnic, with the story about him driving into a women’s prison simply because the gate was open. In fairness, Ed pointed out, he probably just wanted to visit his mother. Still, Balotelli and Aguero  both continued to moan about every call against them, despite the benefits of two pretty major non-decisions by the officials. I suggested that the little Argentinian was missing a “t” from his first name, not for the first time this season. Tin Lid clearly not following this blog, I see.

Needless to say I was losing it over the officials. Meanwhile, TJ was having a ‘private’ word with Tin Lid about the deliberateness of Martin Atkinson, in contrast to a say, Phil Dowd, warning that he wasn’t talking to me despite the fact I was standing right next to both of them. Being the interloper that I am, I chipped in like Song versus QPR [that is to say, needlessly and to little effect], that Atkinson was deliberately ignoring anything that resembled a foul against the Arsenal. TJ was having none of it. As usual, that didn’t stop me. To be fair he’s absolutely right that of the available options, Atkinson was the best pick from an Arsenal point of view. [editor's note: I take it all back. Atkinson is a fucking cunt ]

The half-time whistle blew and the players trod from the pitch towards the dressing rooms, with Balotelli rolling around on the floor apparently in some discomfort. As TJ pointed out, not a single City player even paused to look down at him on the ground. It’s no secret the Italian is unloved by his team and no one expected him to emerge for the second half.

I wondered out loud whether we’d even get a replay of the Song incident at the break and to my surprise the presenters made a four-course meal out of it. Fair play and hopefully the appropriately lengthy ban will be applied, although I fail to understand how Atkinson could miss it, given that Balotelli was in possession of the ball in the middle of the pitch before he lost control [first of the ball, then of his mind] and studded Song to the ground. If he didn’t see it just what the bloody hell was he looking at? I should be grateful in retrospect that he can claim his view was obstructed, but in reality what difference is it to us? We still had to play a full match against eleven opponents with another match in a few days, quite unlike a certain top of the table team, who got to stroll against ten men for 75 minutes.

If offered 0-0 after the first period I suppose I would have taken it before the match, but it was shaping up to be one of those days. Deflected shots that would have gone in if they happened against us. We hit the post at least three times. Poor officiating [except for an inch-perfect offside decision that ruled out a nice RVP goal]. And despite a clear lack of ambition, City still looked like nicking something on the break. Surprisingly, Balotelli was still on the pitch, a situation we all agreed was probably better for us, even if the unpunished stamp on Scott Parker was in the back of my mind, and the winning goals that followed.

Benayoun slipped around on the pitch looking very busy but ineffective and ultimately missed one from a yard out that still has me scratching my head. Maybe he should spend a little less time bigging up his former teams on Twitter and a little more time practicing the basics. Like staying upright. Or finishing from point blank into an unguarded net. Add to that, he’s not the best looking bloke and as TJ and Tin Lid indicated, a little too close to some anti-Semitic stereotypical villains in his appearance. Happy Easter everybody! There’s a reason we were in the pub and not church.

We were getting no change from the match, despite dominating.  Chamberlain was the obvious catalyst, his exclusion from the starting XI only explained by this potential need for an impact from the bench. A spark up front is what was required so naturally Arsene brought on Ramsey [Dos Santos came on for Gibbs earlier]. Since I wasn’t watching for the last 10 minutes according to TJ, again in spite of standing inches away from him, we were off balance and Ramsey was a good choice. I wasn’t too sure but it wasn’t exactly going to get worse. It just didn’t get any better.

The game wound down and the Ox eventually came on in the 85th minute, settling that little discussion between myself and Ed, seemingly too late. But it was a move involving AOC that led to the goal. He got in behind his marker and tried to thread the ball into the penalty area. It was deflected away and Arteta, who had another performance full of subtlety and discipline, surged forward to win the 50/50 and continued his run into a patch of space outside the box. Before anyone could really yell it he produced an unstoppable dipping shot into the bottom corner to set us into raptures.

Before arriving at Everton or Arsenal, somewhere along the way Mikel must have gotten a bit of voodoo mojo on his feet. Mudbone maybe? Wenger reckons it’s because they’re small. Perhaps both are correct. Whichever way you slice it, when properly motivated, he can kick a ball very, very hard. Yesterday he seemed very much motivated.

Although I previously showered the Captain [a couple matches ago] and TJ [yesterday] with raging spittle, to his joy Ed survived the post-goal chest-bump without wearing the full pint of Bass I held overhead. One may spray invective with aplomb but we dare not waste precious ale, especially when celebrating this fine strike still needed doing. And celebrate we did. The home support were in the mood too, and gave it the full Poznan, much to our amusement.

A word for the poor goal posts, which were taking a beating. A Balotelli kick in the first half, RVP and Theo shots in the second half, and Joe Hart’s kick after the goal all rattled the frame, prompting us to sing a little Pink Floyd [Hey City! Leave our posts alone!]. The job was nearly done but there was still time left, just enough for Balotelli to finally get his marching orders for his umpteenth tackle on Sagna. Worryingly, there was also still time for Tevez to wrangle a free kick.

Kolarov lined it up and blasted it against the wall, and from the loose ball Dos Santos sent Ramsey clear for a more score-line appropriate second goal. Instead of spotting the wide-open RVP or Chamberlain, he elected to wait for his defender, cut inside and nearly kick it out for a throw-in with the goal gaping. It was groan-worthy stuff and hopefully something that won’t haunt us later with regards to goal difference and third place.

Just about every player had a great performance. On another day RVP has two headed goals and Theo, Ramsey, Benayoun, and Rosicky [particularly impressive on the day] all could have had goals. But if you’re talking Man of the Match there could be only one. Here come the Arteta. He’s the Arsenal Midfielda [with little tiny feets!***].

*If you’re familiar with Red-Geezer, you know the expression. If you’re not familiar, why not?  
** Had I made the bet with Kaiser based on the League only, it would still be on you know. It was still worth it.
***Listen to the Mudbone. And imagine that the foot around Miss Rudolph’s neck once belonged to Peter Reid.




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